I am a picture-o-holic. Really. I take thousands of pictures. This started when I was a little girl and has never stopped. I always had a camera with me and was always capturing moments. My grandfather used to tease me that I would never be able to afford life because I was always paying to have my pictures developed!
A couple of years ago I took the plunge and moved beyond a point and shoot camera and purchased a DSLR camera. I purchased a backpack bag and was set….except the backpack bag was an additional bag that I needed to take with me or I would have to throw my camera into my purse or children’s bag – and after waiting my whole life for my DSLR, I was not about to risk scratching or damaging it! So I set about searching for a smaller camera bag – even contemplated making making my own – and then I found Camera Coats! I saw the ‘Jane Eyre‘ and had to have it! But they were sold out! So I haunted the camera coats website almost daily to see their products. When the ‘Ti Amo‘ came out I I did not hesitate – thank goodness because it sold out FAST!
The Camera Coat is one of the best purchases I have ever made. Ever. It has allowed me to take my camera with me everywhere. I can fit it in any bag without worry, I can sling it over my shoulder and it is protected and looks lovely. Two years ago for Jay’s birthday, Mel and I decided to purchase one for her. We bought her a grey chevron with yellow shabby flowers.
We both have our camera coats with our cameras all the time – so we can take our cameras with us anytime.
I teach, contractually, students at the college level – so the end of the semester, and the beginning of May, for me symbolizes a time to slow down, gather my thoughts, take care of myself in a better way and finish the number of projects I started but slowly lost priority in every day life. I have yet to do any of this so far in the month of May – and it is almost over! May has turned out to be a month of finishing up & preparing for work, attending meetings and conferences, dance rehearsals & recitals, baseball practices & games, swimming lessons, birthday parties and medical appointments.
In the midst of all of this I have struggled to maintain balance…and I have failed….taking care of my children’s lives and work came first. And although these are things I love – I am disappointed that I did not set better boundaries to do the things I set out do do at the beginning of the month. This really hit yesterday when I realized that my 21 years anniversary since we have been together as a couple passed with only a phone call and greeting of “Merry 17th“ to my husband to commemorate the day. I usually make a bigger deal of this as it is a special day. I am not ok with this path I seem to be following. I need to adjust my mind to realign with my heart and soul to make different choices on how I spend my time, so I create the flow not follow it. I started thinking about what I need to do this.
One of my favorite quotes that I used as a life motto for many years is `You are not defined by what has happened to you in the past. You future is defined by what you want for the future` ~Unknown. It is time to gain some perspective. Time to think about more than the work that is waiting to be finished and what is on the schedule for the day. Setting long term goals helps remind me of the life I want and the groove I am striving to attain. Because I only get one chance as me in this life and when I am old and sitting in my rocking on my front porch the memories that I want to sustain me are the ones I want to create. I came across a great tool for long term goal setting on the Lululemon website, you can type write into the PDF and print it: http://www.lululemon.com/education/goalsetting
As I complete this form I am inspired – I am reminded of the possibilities life has to offer and a little less lost in the busyness of everyday.
To all the Mama’s out there – celebrate today. Do something special for yourself – guilt free – you are deserving! For all of you who have a Mom or know a Mom – do something to remind them how special they are.
I printed this and put it in a white frame from the dollar store and put it in the center of my kitchen table. It brightened up the room and reminded me to be good to myself this week – because of who I am and all I do.
ten years ago while I was expecting my first child i had all these expectations (i guess that why they call it expecting). expectations of my life, of myself, of my child. and then i gave birth….and that is when the beginning of all my expectations of what life would be like began to evaporate and the reality of being a mother began to set in. my birth did not go as expected but holding that little person in my arms i realized it did not matter – i would be the person she needed me to be so she could grow up feeling safe and loved and happy. and so that has continued….motherhood challenges me in every way. i have often thought to myself as the illusion i had of myself as a mother vanishes – my children need me to be the mom that they need. and that is the mom i want to be. so everyday i practice motherhood. some days i get it right, some days i don’t, and i keep practicing….
You know the time when your HOT – like so hot because you have on your winter coat, and your trying to coax a 2 year old boy with new found independence out of the bookstore filled with beautifully attractive, fun, playthings among books? Like the HOT feeling – that your frustration level is rising and you cant stop it from bubblin over…but oh ya but wait…you are in PUBLIC… ya that feeling!
I love my kids, as any other parent of a 2 and 4 year old would. I don’t gush over the oh-how-wonderful-this-job-of-parenting-is. I even sometimes think – “F!%K, I am not cut out for this” Yes, me…the Child and Youth Worker extraordinaire- whose worked with developmentally delayed youth, street youth, mental health patients…blah, blah, blah- yes it is the hardest job in the world.
And today I coulda ripped the lady in the bookstores head off…
“why yes, I know my two year old has kicked off his boots and is in his socks running through the aisles – thanks for letting me know you wouldnt want your child on the oh so dirty floor. why yes I know he is running towards the glassware and fragile Easter bunny that caught his eye while were were headed to the back of the store to ‘play’ – thanks!”
What about can I help you?
Get me outta here!
I know why these things happen and even that they happen to most of us – I’d like to say IT SUCKS! The best thing one I/we can do is talk about it and get support! Where would I be with out my texts to my affectionately named wifey of OMGyouwillneverguesswhatjusthappend! A wifey…yup a wifey (will tell you in a later post about wifey!)
Chin up mommas, put those babes of smiles and sparkles to bed… tomorrow’s another day 🙂
[image source linked through image…funny stuff over at someecards.com]