ten years ago while I was expecting my first child i had all these expectations (i guess that why they call it expecting). expectations of my life, of myself, of my child. and then i gave birth….and that is when the beginning of all my expectations of what life would be like began to evaporate and the reality of being a mother began to set in. my birth did not go as expected but holding that little person in my arms i realized it did not matter – i would be the person she needed me to be so she could grow up feeling safe and loved and happy. and so that has continued….motherhood challenges me in every way. i have often thought to myself as the illusion i had of myself as a mother vanishes – my children need me to be the mom that they need. and that is the mom i want to be. so everyday i practice motherhood. some days i get it right, some days i don’t, and i keep practicing….